Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty
There’s an old saying in my family, “only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty”. I wish the honest truth was more valued. So much of the time the smoke and mirrors of life I find so confusing. Which has bought me to this point, I am starting to question the very fibers of my being.
At this very moment, I feel raw, ripped and exposed to the wind. At time it stings my eyes and creates an inner havoc, a longing I suppose. A need for answers to the big questions…Why am I here? Where is the guiding light? Did I miss something or forget to buy a ticket?
The ability to live authentically and be true to who they are? I don’t find to be easy. Maybe its more about saying rather than doing? Or maybe I’m just creeping back into bad habits and being way too hard on myself again? Maybe feeling this rawness is an opportunity to change or grow…or just shove my head back under the covers again! Arghh.
But without truth (especially being true to ourselves) and learning what wealth really means, are we just drifters? I’m not talking about money or gold, but what it is that drives you to be you. What you see as valuable. Is it humanity (like it is for me) or creativity or passion? In this world of technology, electronic devices and robots (artificial intelligence — AI) are we seemingly losing our humanity in favor of the almighty dollar?
Is it better to have more zeros in your bank balance or more humanity in your soul? AI researcher for Microsoft Kate Crawford is critical of AI. Maybe like many of us she is suspicious of the ruthless way humankind is seemingly putting computers and technology on a pedestal, way above the value or wealth of humanity. We seem to favour quick fixes, short term answers and throwing caution to the wind. Who in all honesty would put money on the human condition to win out at this rate…
But what else do we have, without valuing our inner wealth surely our lives would be empty, shallow and robotic. Admittedly, I love a robot vacuum, smart phone and latest gadget as much as anyone and can see the intrinsic value in working in partnership with technology, but not at the current cost to the planet and more importantly to each other.
I’ve been on this here earth long enough to know things are never quite as they seem, but do some of us make life difficult for each other? Does ego and the illusion of perfect more important than the actual reality? For me I wear my scars on the inside. I have cuts and bruises no-one will ever see and only now I feel ready to share this fact. Maybe I too am guilty of creating layers, hiding the real truth as most of the time, its way too painful to share.
Artist Norman Rockwell famously depicted what he’d like to have or see rather than the actual brutal reality he was living amongst, in a lot of ways I don’t think this has changed. Maybe we could even say we see things the way we want to and not so much as they are?
Someone wise said to me today, maybe we just see what we want to see. Maybe there’s wealth and wisdom in this too, especially for the lonely among us. Maybe just the thought of glimpsing happiness is enough (with the help of the right photo filters or emoji). Is this the new toolkit we need in this shallow created world.
Are we living truthfully and do we embrace the ugly, cruel and often mundane aspects of being human? Or do we stick a filter over it and make it look better than it does in real life?
It’s an interesting dilemma, I am not one to judge but during this COVID lockdown and life changing rules we’ve never had to endure before, it really makes you start to question what you see. What is reality and what is driven by ego and of course money? Does the fact I am without a full-time job for the first time in my adult life, define my ability to contribute to the world around me? Does not paying tax lessen my inner value?
After finishing reading the book “My Friend Anna” by Rachel DeLoache Williams, my foundations were well and truly rocked. A quick overview of this story…a young con artist paints New York society red, sucking in victims and leaving a trail of destruction. Which got me thinking, is trust more valuable than wealth? Is wealth all about money and how much is ego at play when it comes to money for us humans?
So let’s get real. How does a humble, run of the mill person like me get by in this AI world? Truth be told I’m completely lost. I’m captivated by the challenge of learning to enhance and improve the human condition, but am appalled by the dodgy way we are going about it. I’m overwhelmed at the grief of children treated as slaves to mine minerals for the latest must have gadget, yet hypocritically we’re guilty of buying a new phone without question (I know I have been guilty of this).
But just where does and will it all end? Are things like inner wealth part of a valued skill set including humility, patience and inner strength, being overlooked in favour of flashy headlines, quick wins and short term gains? Where will my journey to discover these new raw feelings take me from here?
For me losing my nine-to-five job last year was an eye opener. It has given me time to think, breathe and reflect on how far down the rabbit hole I already was. I’m not proud of my past efforts and ability to soldier on without question, so it’s been an interesting journey to look at my faults (sounds indulgent I know) and start to build the life Including not allowing an algorithm to remember all my passwords and simply live on autopilot like I have for so long.
So as much as I’d like to end this piece wrapped up in a neat bow, this is a hard concept to fathom on my own. Faced with so many societal mirrors, judgement and opinions everyday it takes a hard shell to manage the day. After lockdowns, health scares and personal loss I am still no clearer as to how to navigate this messy big bad world.
But I’m going back to basics starting with trusting my gut as my newest form of wealth. Otherwise I stand to lose the only thing more valuable than food, oxygen or water…my soul. To me this would be the real loss of my humanity. I really hope my humanity continues to grow and that positive change happens in my life as I navigate this new space of uncertainty. I’m going to take this as a new starting point, mainly because at this stage I have so many unanswered questions. Terrifying to not know where I’m going, but somehow it makes me feel so alive.
I really hope my humanity continues to grow and that positive change starts to happen again in my life. As I navigate this new world of uncertainty, I’m going to use this moment to realize even though I have so many unanswered questions, that’s ok and even though I might feel terrified, I also feel more alive than I have in a very long time.
